How to talk respectfully when emotions run high
Creating emotional safety: Open, honest, and respectful communication increases family bonding and fosters loving relationships. For this to occur, people need to feel emotionally safe with one another. This is especially true in discussing a sensitive topic or talking with teens—who often feel misjudged and emotionally stressed. Fortunately, creating an emotionally safe place only needs three things: a right attitude, improved social skills, and new “scripts” or phrases that can cool a conversation and restore emotional safety. Focus on adjusting your attitudes, memorize the “scripts,” and practice the skills until they come naturally. You’ll see a huge increase in personal satisfaction and bonding.
Right Attitudes
Proven Social Skills
Safe & Cool Scripts
- Value others as yourself
- Desire to understand how others feel and see things
- Desire to express yourself respectfully as a peacemaker
- Develop pure intentions
- Cease to judge or be critical
- Be generous instead of selfish
- View others with compassion
- Abandon ill-will; be willing to love
- Respect others’ boundaries and right to choose differently
- Desire to speak only truth
- Believe you could be wrong; freely admit errors
- Be willing to make amends if you offend
- Have courage to bring up hard issues in a sensitive and kind way
- Feel sorry when you offend
- Use “LUV-Listening”
- Talk in “I-Messages”
- Use positive and kind words
- Use respectful voice tones and body language
- Look for and compliment the good
- Notice others’ body language
- Notice if the discussion gets tense
- Notice your own stress and quickly self calm if needed
- Defuse confrontations with calming statements and questions
- Avoid throwing any C-Boulders
- Say hard things in kind ways
- If misunderstood, patiently clarify your motives and restate what you mean
- Be tentative with your opinions
- Avoid getting defensive
- Apologize quickly for offenses
- Ask openly for what you want or need
- Use Mindfulness techniques to calm your brain, help you be non-judgmental, and question your thoughts and “stories”
- Is this a good time to talk?
- I want to be here for you.
- Let me know if you just want a listening ear, or if you need help or advice.
- What I appreciate about you is…
- So what I think you’re saying is…
- Help me understand what you mean by that.
- How would you like things to be?
- Thanks for sharing your opinion.
- I sense you’re feeling ___. Tell me more.
- I appreciate your concerns.
- Would you like my thoughts?
- I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant to imply. What I meant was _____.
- I’m sorry, what do you need me to do to make it up to you?
- Let me think on that and get back to you.
- Let’s get more facts on this and then revisit it.
- I recognize I’m also part of the problem.
- Let’s take a break to cool-down.
- Let’s agree to disagree for now.
- Let’s get outside help with this.