The Power of Praising and Ignoring: Two fundamental skills to change children’s behavior
1. Praising the Positive Opposite:
Identify one negative behavior you’d like your child to change and write it on your tracking form. Only work on one behavior at a time. Decide what that behavior’s opposite would be. (It becomes the Positive Opposite you’re going to praise.) Write it below. For example: the opposite of “fighting” is “getting along.” The opposite of “lying” is “telling the truth.”
Every time you see your child doing that positive behavior, praise him or her using Reinforcing Compliments. The steps to use Reinforcing Compliments are: praise immediately; be enthusiastic, be specific, give a benefit, and add a touch. Track your praise and your child’s progress.
If the behavior doesn’t occur often enough to be reinforcing, talk to your child privately during a calm moment and set up a reward system that allows him or her to earn special rewards or privileges. Track his or her behavior and your Reinforcing Compliments.
2. Effective Ignoring:
The other crucial skill in changing behavior is to ignore minor negative behaviors that you want to disappear. Kids feed on attention and want to get a reaction from you. Don’t give it. Ignoring needs to be done right in order to be effective. Here are the 5 Steps of Effective Ignoring:
- Show no emotion.
- Turn your attention immediately away. Act interested in something else.
- Don’t look at the person.
- Have no physical contact until the misbehavior stops.
- Warmly give your child positive attention the moment the misbehavior stops.
Use this Praising the Positive Opposite form to track your progress!
Family Tracking Sheet:
The Power of Praising and Ignoring: Two fundamental skills to change children’s behavior
1. Praising the Positive Opposite:
Identify one negative behavior you’d like your child to change and write it below. Only work on one behavior at a time. Decide what that behavior’s opposite would be. (It becomes the Positive Opposite you’re going to praise.) Write it below. For example: the opposite of “fighting” is “getting along.” The opposite of “lying” is “telling the truth.”
Every time you see your child doing that positive behavior, praise him or her using Reinforcing Compliments. The steps to use Reinforcing Compliments are: praise immediately; be enthusiastic, be specific, give a benefit, and add a touch. Track your praise and your child’s progress.
If the behavior doesn’t occur often enough to be reinforcing, talk to your child privately during a calm moment and set up a reward system that allows him
or her to earn special rewards or privileges. Track his or her behavior and your Reinforcing Compliments.
2. Effective Ignoring:
The other crucial skill in changing behavior is to ignore minor negative behaviors that you want to disappear. Kids feed on attention and want to get a reaction from you. Don’t give it. Ignoring needs to be done right in order to be effective. Here are the 5 Steps of Effective Ignoring:
1. Show no emotion.
2. Turn your attention immediately away. Act interested in something else.
3. Don’t look at the person.
4. Have no physical contact until the misbehavior stops.
5. Warmly give your child positive attention the moment the misbehavior stops.
Below is the Praising the Positive Opposite tracking form. If you prefer, use a printable version of this form.
Lesson: 4 min:1 mid:2 max:3