Activity How to Make a Listening Stick

What is the “Listening Stick”?

When you need to have an important conversation with someone, ask the person when a good time to talk would be. Then ask the person to hold the Listening Stick as you express yourself without blaming, using calm, polite tones and respectful “I-Messages.” The person holding the Listening Stick “LUV-Listens” and summarizes your ideas, feelings, or concerns. If the person’s summary wasn’t complete or correct say, “That’s not quite what I meant;” or “There’s more to it ___” and offer more information or thoughts until the person listening to you correctly summarizes your views. When you feel understood, thank the person and then you hold the stick and “LUV-Listen” while the other person responds. With practice, you will be able to use LUV-Listening in all your conversations without the need for a stick.

How to make a “Listening Stick”: Agree to the following items. You can print this PDF, or write these onto a physical “stick,” or agree to follow the rules.